The Afters.

I been feeling nothing. Everything I do and everywhere I go, I feel nothing. There’s a hole somewhere in my body and it won’t fill. Out of the blue he texts me, “why is it so hard for you to fight for what you want”. Any decent, intelligent living creature would think okay, he wants me to fight for him. So thinking nothing of it, I texted him back. “Say this to me when I get there”. No response. So I get up , dress and find myself half panting, sweating at his front door. I knocked. I asked was he there and I was let in. I walk around the corner and there he is. Before I am able to speak, he tells me to get out. I mutter to him, you told me to fight, I told you I was coming. “But I didn’t say come, get out, I’m not trying to be rude”. So I turned around and walked peacefully out of his life. I won’t fight anymore. I won’t desire anymore. I won’t. He isn’t my heaven. He isn’t my boyfriend. He isn’t my husband. He isn’t my friend. He’s not my enemy. Love doesn’t live there anymore…and I don’t think I want to love anymore.